Thank you both.
Oneofmany, thank you for sharing your personal experience. It is helpful for me right now, because it lessens my feeling of being alone with the problem.
And oushi, yes, you're right. If i opened this thread just to talk about the defects of other people, i should be blamed.
I'd like to tell what happened to me.
I became friend to someone in an internet-forum and we started to discuss about Buddhism via e-mail. He lives in Asia but is German native speaker. So an internet-friendship occurred.
He had a good understanding about the topic of Nagarjunas Middle Way and about the Palicanon. For me this was a big grace, because i was very bad in reading books. I didn't like to concentrate on them.
It was a very crazy time of writing and reading intensely. Within 15 month we probably wrote 6000 e-mails of serious and funny contents, many very deep topics... I became sort of adicted to getting e-mails....
But this kind of friendship required a hudge amount of time. It was normal to sit for two hours for to write one e-mail. And this several times a day/night. Crazy. Maybe this was not so good.
At the end he set himself the goal to "heal me" from my "Attention deficit disorder". This task was too big. It ruined our friendship. Sounds funny, but i'm really extremely sad.
This was about me.
If i tell about him, i must say, his intellectual clarity is brilliant, but he always was bound to be right. He could never admit a mistake. He thought he is very near to liberation, there is just a small inch missing, he thinks - but looked from outside it is obvious that he is very keen about himself, and that he didn't overcome hate, haughtiness and envy...
I never mentioned this to him. I thought, it would be better to let him be and he will grow out of it by himself when time is right.
But now at last i could not keep this loving equanamity. I failed.
In a controversial discussion i mentioned, that i think he also has a big ego, not only I.
I think, this was a shock for him. He answered to me that my mails will go into his spam-filter. I waited one week. Now i tried to write him and it is said his E-Mail-address doesn't exist anymore. So he deleted his adress and most likely 6000 e-mails, too...
Seems, that i scratched a big wound. I feel very sorry, not only for myself and my mistake, not only for this friendship, but also for him, because being near to enlightment is different than the state of mind where he is, i assume.