Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to date

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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby odysseus » Fri May 23, 2014 7:04 am

zyzz wrote:It's unfortunate that most of the brahs I see practicing Buddhism here ain't the most attractive lookin brah out there nomsayin? Many are the shy/unconfident nerdy types that are bad with women... so perhaps came to practice the Dharma as escapism?

Newayz, if we understand the importance of the precepts and moral conducts we will surely realise that "social noms" these days are unwholesome, so we will surely have difficulty going further in relationships with a shella that doesn't fit our views.

I say it's better to wait and find a fellow Buddhist practitioner that share similar enough views rather than just keep going and going which will just end us feeling depressed.

lol, I got lot to say brah but dat dere celltech is cloudin my mind nomsayin?


Ah, Buddha is just too romantic for them...
Buddha is best on Earth!
My lord is best...
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby Luke » Fri May 23, 2014 6:56 pm

tomamundsen wrote:I'm not trying to offend or provoke, but really, just don't use online dating sites. They are terrible for men. The online dating game works really well for women, but not for men.

I agree. Online dating is often brutally difficult for men who aren't extremely good-looking or otherwise extremely interesting to many women in their country.

Meeting women indirectly online on social-networking sites (not dating sites) can work sometimes, but often will just result in them friend-zoning you. So meeting women in person is generally better.

tomamundsen wrote:I have started a relationship from online dating in the past, but my results are way better in person. I know many other guys with the same opinion.

Just approach girls you're interested in during every-day scenarios. In the grocery store, on the street, wherever you might be where you cross paths with an interesting woman.

^I agree.

reddust wrote:My advice and this worked for me. Go do things you like, join a club or hobby group. I belong to several gardening, hiking, and art groups and I have met the nicest people. I used Meetup to find local groups I am interested in. Get involved in community service, I've met some real nice people doing service work. Someone may know someone and hook you up too. Dating sites can't do that for you and you don't know if the person online is being truthful about themselves. When you hang out with people you can see how people are in all sorts of situations before you get involved. Be a good person and do things you like, you will run into your lady if it's in your cards.

I've met some nice people at Dharma events too, but I swear there are a lot of crazy folk too, so be careful. If you are looking to spend you life with someone put some time and effort into yourself, be a quality person and you will attract quality people. It's hard for people to see that online.

I know lots of people who date online, but you gotta know how to sell yourself. It's all about marketing yourself as a product. If you do a search you will find how to make up a good dating profile. Most people don't know how to say good things about themselves or promote their positive qualities. That's kind of sad.

:good:

I think that wise, kind heterosexual women usually give the best advice about heterosexual dating. Therefore, listen to Reddust, Stefos! :D

Dating is such an emotional topic that it is so easy to swing to extremes (and we men are more comfortable with extremes, anyway, usually). If you listen to the cool "player" and "game" guys, you might gain a few insights if you are too wimpy and unassertive, but all of this can easily backfire and make you too hostile and aggressive and push women away. And all this "be a better listener and more sensitive" advice can work if you're too aggressive and self-centered, but again, going to an extreme of gentleness will also turn most women off. So really dating is a lot about staying emotionally balanced in an emotionally stressful situation (not easy!).

Stefos wrote:I'm a disabled vet who has a screwed up spine and can't have a gleaming 6 pack of abs! LOL Nor am I a slob either..I just lost 28 lbs by exercise & diet.

Did you hurt yourself in combat? Being a badass can sometimes help in the dating world. lol

Did you ever go to Survival Escape Resistance Evasion school in the military? Sometimes dating can feel like being a POW going through torture and interrogation! Those mental skills could come in handy... lol
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby Vajrasvapna » Mon May 26, 2014 10:30 pm

Stefos wrote:Hi everyone,

I'm very perplexed.

I belong to an online site and try to get date ladies but as I've clearly explained my position, ladies seem to just not care!

Why is this? Especially when I'm being honest by stating "I'm not a fanatic or weirdo"??????

Insights please would be appreciated.......

Here are some of my own:

1. They really DON"T care!
2. They are afraid
3. They think I'm a bigot
4. They think I'm a liar

I do have a job working for the federal gov't and do own my own car & do live in an apartment too btw....So I'm not a deadbeat or lazy.

Thanks,
Stefos


Women tend to feel attracted to confident men with strong personality, I do not believe that seduction is something very ethical, this is the reason why Narcissistic men have such a positive relationship with women. A good and dangerous seduction guide: http://amzn.com/B0032BW5DY
"Meditating on the source of mind is the Path; anything other than that, and the Clear Light will not dawn." Manjusrimitra

"It cuts the root of the mind;
It cuts the root of the five poisonous emotions
And the extreme views, which become the causes for meditation;
As well as conduct accompanied by inadequacy, hope, fear,
And pride— because it cuts all of these,
It is defined as Chöd, or 'cutting'.” Fifty Stanzas - Aryadeva


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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby Vajraprajnakhadga » Tue May 27, 2014 4:33 am

Traditional romance is a trap. If you are a Buddhist practitioner find a mate with whom you can communicate with with naked, brutal honesty (with both yourself and them) or simply stay celibate. That is my advice on the matter (and it comes from the experience of actually being in a practice-oriented relationship).
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby Vajrasvapna » Tue May 27, 2014 1:53 pm

If you a 'vajrayanist' do Kurukulle practice may be of some help.
"Meditating on the source of mind is the Path; anything other than that, and the Clear Light will not dawn." Manjusrimitra

"It cuts the root of the mind;
It cuts the root of the five poisonous emotions
And the extreme views, which become the causes for meditation;
As well as conduct accompanied by inadequacy, hope, fear,
And pride— because it cuts all of these,
It is defined as Chöd, or 'cutting'.” Fifty Stanzas - Aryadeva


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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby Nemo » Tue May 27, 2014 9:23 pm

Peach blossom luck is good. Traditionally this is a name for the energy(dang if I am using that term correctly) that attracts the opposite sex. Learning how to cultivate it is possible but it can easily turn into Peach Blossom Entanglement and even further to Peach Blossom Disaster. Once you reach stage three you start attracting people in relationships and they can't even see the consequences. More is not always better. Learning to be happy alone may be a more useful skill. It may be better to be free. Neither owning nor being owned by anyone.
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby Qing Tian » Sat May 31, 2014 7:56 am

Strange as it may sound I have never tried dating. I've been in relationships, enjoyed a 15 year long marriage (admittedly one that ended surprisingly but also amicably) and am currently in a 7 year long relationship that is just wonderful. But, I have never tried dating!

Okay, I guess what I am saying here is that I never interacted with a person of interest with the intention of luring them into a dating scenario. All my relationships (not that there were THAT many!) just kind of happened. Mostly they happened while I was pursuing something I enjoyed, but I would say that the biggest factors in play were my willingness to listen to people and my attempts to cultivate a kindheartedness without an agenda. And for what it is worth I am neither a photogenic catch nor an economic one, and yet my partners have all outshone me on nearly every front, prompting quite a bit of incredulous remark from friends.
“Not till your thoughts cease all their branching here and there, not till you abandon all thoughts of seeking for something, not till your mind is motionless as wood or stone, will you be on the right road to the Gate.”
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby Silent Bob » Mon Jun 02, 2014 7:54 pm

Perhaps you come across as too earnest, too sincere and it may call for a different approach:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/141654030X/ref=rdr_ext_tmb (be sure to look inside)
"All the sublime teachings, so profound--to throw away one and then grab yet another will not bear even a single fruit. Persevere, therefore, in simply one."
--Dudjom Rinpoche, "Nectar for the Hearts of Fortunate Disciples. Song No. 8"
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