Stefos wrote:1. They really DON"T care!
2. They are afraid
3. They think I'm a bigot
4. They think I'm a liar
I do have a job working for the federal gov't and do own my own car & do live in an apartment too btw....So I'm not a deadbeat or lazy.
1. Most people dont care about anything that is not relevant to them.
2. Few people are afraid of Dharma, but most people are either religious in a non-Dharmic way, or think all religions are just "superstition" and have no concept or belief in the effectiveness and power of something like Dharma practice.
3. Its unlikely people think you are bigoted unless you act in a bigoted manner. Do you slander other people for not being practitioners? Do you slander other religions? Then you are a bigot, otherwise this is unlikely.
4. A liar about what? Do you tell them you have some high attainment you dont have? Then you would be a liar. Yet you only would really be lying to yourself in that case, but I doubt you do this so I doubt 4 is very relevant either.
Lots of men have a job, car and house. Are you physically fit, healthy? Do you have a good relationship with your family? Are you socially connected and do you easily make friends? Are you able to socially mingle without much effort? These are also things that get women interested in men, especially the social status stuff. Even if you are really intelligent, kind, compassionate, and have money, a job, and a car, without social status many women will be very reluctant to date you because they will think "Whats secretly wrong with him that he has no friends or cannot make any friends?".
Since this is in the ethical conduct forum, you should consider what level of Dharma vows you wish to hold and maintain, and whether or not your Dharma goals are in line with your worldly, dating goals. You should consider why you feel the need for a relationship at all, and what kind of ultimate good obtaining a partner can do for you. Obviously we all want to be loved, not feel lonely, and so forth. Yet the highest love is self love, the most faithful lover is within, and I recently read a good quote about loneliness that amounted to the fact that we get lonely because we arent doing anything with our time. If we are engaged in study and practice and going out and doing things, we wont be lonely. If we are not lonely, we wont be desperate. If we are not desperate, women will find us more attractive. Desperation is a killer of attraction for women.
There is nothing fundamentally wrong with having a life partner, but you should consider whether or not the kinds of women you are trying to date are the kinds of women who can support and uphold your goals in Dharma whatever they may be. In other words, will they be upset if you go on a three month retreat? Will they distract you from Dharma, denigrate or disrespect it?
Many western women demand a lot of time, attention, money and praise. For me personally these things are not in line with my practice so I refrain from dating because spending lots of money to impress a girl is not really on my list of things to do. In fact a lot of dating is based on manipulation and agenda based thinking. We rarely can say what we really feel. Both the man and women tend to try to only display their best qualities and hide their worst, they tend to hide their true feelings and only display their false ones. Its all a mess and this is why I dont bother with it.
I cant answer these questions for you of course. For me personally this is my view/opinion on these matters, I am totally celibate, but I am open to having a relationship with a Dharma practitioner if the conditions arise for that and I perceive it is in the best interest of myself and them to do so. A relationship can be very good in this world because it can help us maintain financial stability, and also two Dharma practitioners can accomplish a lot together if they are both motivated to practice Dharma. They can support each other in retreats for example, either financially or through cooking/taking care of the other while they are in retreat (basically taking turns sponsoring each other).
So there are a lot of questions I would ask if I were you. Perhaps for now since you are feeling frustrated, examine your mind, motivations, intentions, and so forth for awhile and try to gain some clarity for yourself.
I wish you all the best!