They were leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They asked the priest if he wanted to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest said that he would like to face up so that he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his throat. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.
Next the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his throat. So they release the drunkard as well.
The engineer is next. He too, decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, when suddenly the engineer says, "Hey, I think the problem is that the cable is binding right here ... "
============================What it Means to Be a Real Engineer
1. Real Engineers consider themselves well dressed if their socks match.
2. Real Engineers buy their spouses a set of matched screwdrivers for their birthday.
3. Real Engineers wear mustaches or beards for "efficiency," not because they're lazy.
4. Real engineers have a non-technical vocabulary of 800 words.
5. Real Engineers think a "biting wit" is their fox terrier.
6. Real Engineers know the second law of thermodynamics - but not their own shirt size.
7. Real Engineers repair their own cameras, telephones, televisions, and automatic transmissions.
8. Real Engineers say: "It's 70 degrees Fahrenheit, 25 degrees Celsius, and 298 degrees Kelvin." And all you say is: "Isn't it a nice day."
9. Real Engineers give you the feeling you're having a conversation with a dial tone or busy signal.
10. Real Engineers wear badges so they don't forget who they are. Sometimes a note is attached saying: "Don't offer me a ride today. I drove my own car."
11. Real Engineers' politics run towards acquiring a parking space with their name on it and an office with a window.
12. Real Engineers know the "ABC's of Infrared" from A to B.
13. Real Engineers rotate their tires for laughs.
14. Real Engineers will make four sets of drawings (with seven revisions) before making a birdbath.
15. Real Engineers' briefcases contain a Phillips screwdriver, a copy of "Quantum Physics," and a half of a peanut butter sandwich.
16. Real Engineers know that Halloween is really the same as Christmas, because OCT 31 = DEC 25. (If you _don't_ get it, then you're not a Real Engineer.)
17. Real Engineers don't really find the above at all funny.
====================================You May Be an Engineer If - Part I
1. You introduce your wife as "[email protected]
" or husband as "[email protected]
2. Your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner.
3. If Dilbert is your hero.
4. You can name six Star Trek episode titles.
5. The only jokes you receive are through e-mail.
6. Your wristwatch has more computing power than a Pentium III.
7. You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys.
8. You use a CAD package to design your child's Pine Wood Derby car.
9. You have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.
10. At Christmas, it goes without saying, that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string.
11. You window-shop at Radio Shack.
12. Your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies.
13. You have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in your work area.
14. You carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run.
15. You are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage-door opener and your camera's flash attachment.
16. You have modified your can opener to be microprocessor-driven.
17. You If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush.
==================================You May Be an Engineer If - Part II
18. You have ever taken the back off of your TV just to see what's inside.
19. A team of you and your co-workers has set out to modify the antenna of the radio in your work area for better reception.
20. You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.
21. You have never backed up your hard drive.
22. You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
23. You have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as is."
24. You see a good design and still have to change it.
25. The salespeople at Circuit City or Best Buy can't answer any of your questions.
26. You own a set of itty-bitty screwdrivers but you don't remember where they are.
27. You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
28. You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.
29. You have more toys than your kids.
30. You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.
31. Your I.Q. is bigger than your weight.
32. The microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix them.
33. You can remember seven computer passwords but not your anniversary.
34. You have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for.
35. Your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal.
36. You can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting.